1/5 The Loft It’s 2015, and the world has not one, but two remakes of The Loft. In case you missed it, that is three versions of a story that should have only been told once (if that). The worse part is that this is not the first Loft Erik Van Looy has directed. From a director’s standpoint, how artistically fulfilling could a story about five ingrate losers be? You may like a particular bottle of wine, but if you keep topping the bottle off with water every time you have a glass, then you will eventually end up drinking straight water. (Aside: This may not be the best metaphor. Water has some nutritional value, at least. End of Aside.) Bloated metaphors out of the way, the film’s plot would fit nicely in the pulpy pages of some ten-cent book you would find in the bottom of a “For Sale” bin. Five sneaky men split an apartment in the city that they use to cheat on their wives. The story begins, as most thrillers do, near the end. After the guys find a dead girl handcuffed to the bed with a slit wrist, we are given tiny puzzle pieces via flashbacks to help us discover who is responsible - there are only five keys, so we know one of them is involved. Somewhere in the world at some point in the future, Wesley Strick’s adaptation of the original Bart De Pauw script will be used in a film class as what NOT to do when writing a movie. Rule 1: Do a better job of leading up to your reveals. Little lead-ons like “No, it’s over. It’s all gonna come out!” produce groans, not anticipation. Rule 2: Stay away from clunky dialogue that no living actor could possibly make sound cool. If you find yourself typing the line “look at all these babes; it’s like they’re violating the fire code,” immediately backspace. For more rules, you’ll have to sign up for my course. | Director: Erik Van Looy Starring: James Marsden, Karl Urban, Matthais Schoenaerts Writers: Wesley Strick, Bart De Pauw |
There might have been some way, given a more gifted storyteller and a more inspired story, that this mystery could have worked. A good mystery slyly drops clues throughout and lets the audience race to the conclusion before the film does, only to deceive the audience in the end with a sudden twist. Watch, or read, Gone Girl for a recent example of a story that nails this at every turn. In The Loft, subtlety is replaced by neon signs pointing at clues that would have been obvious anyway. I would be giving you many examples, but I do not want to spoil the story for any diehard James Marsden fans - I can’t think of why anyone else who seek this movie out.
Every actor involved is better than this. Karl Urban has been a sturdy supporting player for years, being involved with both the Lord of the Rings franchise and J.J. Abrams’ Star Trek reboot. He really should think again if he’s wanting films like to The Loft to bump him into leading-man territory. Every last one of the male characters is despicable, so it is unsurprising that none of the leads could drum up sympathy. Matthias Schoenaerts, who was in the original Loft, proves my point better than any of them. Schoenaerts’ Philip is a coke-head rapist/sadist, and who does the filmmakers shine a sympathetic light on? Not the rape victim, obviously. She is seen and referred to as nothing but a whore - the female characterizations in this movie are ridiculous; you do not want me to go there. It’s Philip who Looy wants us to sympathize with, and it is a pain to see an extremely talented actor like Schoenaerts oblige him.
For prime Schoenaerts, check out Far From the Madding Crowd, which I just reviewed yesterday and has now expanded to wide release. For a prime thriller, check out the aforementioned Gone Girl, or any David Fincher film. For prime The Loft, check out one of the other two remakes. Or don’t. I could care less.
p.s. There is no screenwriting course.
(Available on iTunes)
Every actor involved is better than this. Karl Urban has been a sturdy supporting player for years, being involved with both the Lord of the Rings franchise and J.J. Abrams’ Star Trek reboot. He really should think again if he’s wanting films like to The Loft to bump him into leading-man territory. Every last one of the male characters is despicable, so it is unsurprising that none of the leads could drum up sympathy. Matthias Schoenaerts, who was in the original Loft, proves my point better than any of them. Schoenaerts’ Philip is a coke-head rapist/sadist, and who does the filmmakers shine a sympathetic light on? Not the rape victim, obviously. She is seen and referred to as nothing but a whore - the female characterizations in this movie are ridiculous; you do not want me to go there. It’s Philip who Looy wants us to sympathize with, and it is a pain to see an extremely talented actor like Schoenaerts oblige him.
For prime Schoenaerts, check out Far From the Madding Crowd, which I just reviewed yesterday and has now expanded to wide release. For a prime thriller, check out the aforementioned Gone Girl, or any David Fincher film. For prime The Loft, check out one of the other two remakes. Or don’t. I could care less.
p.s. There is no screenwriting course.
(Available on iTunes)