Director: Patrick Hughes Starring: Ha, you're kidding me right? Writers: Sylvester Stallone, Creighton Rothenberger, Katrin Benedikt | 1.5/5 The Expendables 3 For the third installment in his slowly-but-surely dying Expendables franchise, Sylvester Stallone doubles the already crowded cast and weenies out on the R rating. So lucky us, we get another two hours of PG-13 meat head violence. Believe me, the rating drop is felt. Should I even waste my time typing out a plot? Barney (Stallone) fires his old crew (Jason Statham, Wesley Snipes, Dolph Lundgren, Randy Couture) for some reason and then, for an even stranger reason, hires a whole new set of young expendables (a bunch of real-life fighters and that guy from Twilight). Somewhere in this name-that-aging-star game, Schwarzenegger and Kelsey Grammer factor in. Instead of scenes of character buildup or plotting, the entire middle section of the movie - no kidding - is comprised of five minute scenes introducing the new cast members. Where a story should be is one long meet-the-team montage. Peppered in between all of these character introductions are action sequences in which no body dies except the people they are fighting - this is the kind of movie where everyone gets shot but the good guys. End of plot. Riveted yet? For the action to be the main selling point, it is almost always rendered either unbelievable or just plain silly by the PG-13 safety net. With this many people getting shot and stabbed, there would undoubtedly be some blood somewhere, right? Though not on the plum-embarrassing level of April’s Brick Mansions, the action scenes in Expendables 3 are over-edited to the point of delirium. Whereas The Raid franchise allowed us to view the strange beauty of the violence with long, steady shots, director Patrick Hughes seems to be contempt with simply giving us a headache here. They really should offer us some kind of exhilarating sequences, seeing as Stallone spent virtually no time writing a script with human characters. Rather than letting the characters work themselves in organically, Stallone and his two other screenwriters usher them in with all the detachment of a run-off at a sporting event. We are subject mostly to charming snippets of dialogue such as: “Your dude’s trippin’” and “If your guys wanted to fight, why didn’t they just get married.” As far as casting goes, it is no secret we are taking bronze over brains here. While many talented actors litter the screen, few are given the chance to shine. For every Antonio Banderas, who makes the best out of his simple, motormouth role, there is a Jason Statham, who continues to squander his potential in movies like this. The most deafening blow of all is seeing Indiana Jones being drawn into the midst of this filth. The movie’s only pleasure is seeing Mel Gibson play off of his villainous personae he has cultivated as of late. He reminds me of the crazy-eyed, poo-throwing Mel Gibson of South Park; and that is definitely, in some strange way, a compliment. Things to be thankful for are in short supply in Expendables 3; but hey, at least we don’t have to watch Terry Crews make his pecks dance again. |
The Expendables 3 - You could do better than this action star has-been testosterone contest.11/28/2014
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January 2016
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