3/5 Crimson Peak Director: Guillermo del Toro Starring: Mia Wasikowska, Tom Hiddleston, Jessica Chastain, Charlie Hunnam Writers: Guillermo del Toro, Matthew Robbins | 3/5 Goosebumps Director: Rob Letterman Starring: Jack Black, Dylan Mennette, Odeya Rush Writer: Darren Lemke From the first glimpses of Crimson Peak, Guillermo del Toro’s haunted house flick and latest foray into horror, I was in love. The eerie artwork, featuring a blood red, Medusa-haired Mia Wasikowska fading over a chilly blue house, practically had me drooling. All it took was one look at the trailer to make this one of my most anticipated movies of 2015. After all, del Toro’s last dip into horror, Pans Labyrinth, is one of my favorite movies of all time. Now check this. From the first time I saw promotional material for a movie about Goosebumps, a beloved book series from my childhood, I hated it. Is this Michael Bay trying to ruin another old franchise? Surprisingly enough, Bay is not involved and Rob Letterman’s horror/comedy actually turns out to be…sort of fun. This is a weekend full of surprises. (Except for Spielberg’s new Cold War film, of course. It was just as fantastic as I imagined.) I categorized this under “double feature,” but I am thinking these two films are going to be an either/or scenario. Hey, money’s tight. I know! So, let me try and wade you through some of these ghoul-infested waters; you can make the decision yourself. Here’s the first thing you need to know: neither of these films are scary in the slightest. Crimson Peak tries so hard to wow you with its sumptuous visuals - and believe me, they are delicious - that it forgets to actually do what Horror films are supposed to do. Goosebumps, on the other hand, replaces the thrills in R.L. Stine’s genuinely chilling books with loony Jack Black merrymaking. The lack of scares in both films both leave room for some good stuff, like del Toro’s cinematography and Letterman’s antics, but it would have been nice if either director would have slipped in a few jolts. After you take the blanketing “horror” genre off of these films, what you are left with is two extremely different movies. This is also good, seeing as how neither movie is a train wreck and every moviegoer’s tastes are a little bit different. Goosebumps is straight PG kids fare - Letterman’s last film was the Black-starring Gulliver’s Travels. If you have children, this is the definitely the film for you. Sure, a few of the monsters conjured up from Stine’s pages can be a little frightening, especially the ventriloquist dummy, but the easy jokes and whirling special effects adventures far outweigh any scary visuals. Nothing is going to keep your kid up at night like the original novels did me in elementary school. If you want to visually enjoy Stine’s work and actually be scared, might I suggest the 1990’s TV series created and hosted by Stine himself. It’s not prestige television by any means, but it more accurately captures the author’s tone and spirit. While Goosebumps is aimed towards kids, Crimson Peak may not be the best choice for your little moppets - unless you’re OK with them seeing a man’s face be caved in vivid detail. This is a rated-R film, for no other reason than it being sporadically, face-cavingly violent. There is also a lot of blood and crimson clay that looks an awfully lot like blood. Do not let my bland description fool you. This is one of the most visually creative, beautiful films you are like to see this year. The combination of del Toro’s famed vision, Dan Laustsen’s cinematography, and Thomas E. Sanders’s lavish production design is quite the potent one. I may not remember a thing about the movie’s story, which involves a young author (Wasikowska) unwisely marrying Tom Hiddleston’s baron and moving into a haunted house with his creepy sister (Jessica Chastain), next month; however, I sure do hope the Academy remembers the work by the artists that made this film so gorgeous. As beautiful as it is, though, it ultimately reveals itself as a finely-wrapped present filled with air. Visuals this arrested deserve a story of tragic poetry, but del Toro instead serves you a platter you have already enjoyed many times before. His visual references to past directors are fun to spot, but he should have spent more time figuring out what really made those film narratives tick. Dynamite actors like Wasikowska, Chastain, Hiddleston, and Charlie Hunnam can give it their all, but they are simply running in place. The same can be said for Goosebumps, though no one was expecting that one to include complex character work. The performances are barely there, with Black doing his same ole routine; but when the stars aline, that routine can produce zany results. For some reason, Letterman’s whimsical direction serves Black tried-and-true schtick well. Letterman’s film reminded me a better made Jumanji. Black plays Stine, a reclusive man who suspiciously holds up in his house most days. His isolation of his daughter (Odeya Rush) sparks the concern of the new boy in town, played by Dylan Minnette. After sticking his nose in some enchanted manuscripts, Minnette’s Zach unleashes all kinds of crazy (non-spooky) trouble. I gave both films the same score, but if I had to give one the slight edge, it would be Goosebumps. I say that only because it surprised me, whereas Crimson Peak disappointed and crushed my months-long anticipation. Give up your hopes of seeing something scary this weekend. Once you have resolved to seeing something fun or beautiful, then you can start making your choice. |
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Jordan JamesArchives
January 2016
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