Director: "Josh Trank" Starring: Miles Teller, Kate Mara, Michael B. Jordan, Jamie Bell Writers: Josh Trank, Simon Kinberg, Jeremy Slater | 0/5 Fantastic Four Want to know a what studio failure on every level looks like, where each cog in the franchise machine rings at its most cynical, greedy frequency? Take a good look at “Josh Trank”’s Fantastic Four - don’t look too long though, you risk a steep reduction of brain cells. I use quotation marks around Trank’s name because this surely is not the film the extremely gifted filmmaker set out to make. Let’s take a deeper look at some of the many failures that make up this colossal failure in filmmaking. Here is the mandatory paragraph on plot. It’s an origin story. Four young scientists find out how to teleport to another dimension because science. In said dimension, they get powers. In the end, they fight a really jealous dude because the stretchy guy was totally hitting on invisible girl. Rock guy is mad, due to a mix of abandonment issues and the fact that he is now a big terribly-CGI’d boulder. Fire dude can light himself on fire and he’s really into that. Science jargon. Blah. Blah. Blah. Hollow, emotionless teenage feelings. Blah. Blah. There really is no point for you to follow along, because none of it makes sense. If Marvel and Fox don’t care about story, then why should you? I think it’s important that we understand that this is the not the film Trank originally envisioned. He has basically ruined his chances at ever working on a blockbuster again with his Twitter outrage, so it’s the least we could do. Anyone who saw 2012’s Chronicle knows the guy can make a relatable, sometimes-disturbing movie about teenagers who get super powers. It is sort of confusing to me why he would even want to make this movie in the first place. Hee had already made this movie with Chronicle, nailing every bleak nuance of what a hormonal teenager would actually do with super powers. |
Confusion aside, I found it intriguing when Trank cited David Cronenberg as a F4 influence. It makes perfect sense. Spin the quartet’s new powers as grotesque and use them as mirrors for each of their insecurities. I get excited just thinking about that movie. With that said, Marvel would not even allow Edgar Wright to make an Ant-man that was actually funny and worth seeing, so why would Trank ever think the formula-obsessed company would let him do something so radical. There are times in the film where you can see the faintest of glimpses of that original vision, but their presence only intensifies the pitifulness of the final product.
My criticism is not all directed at Trank, but the anonymous fix-it crew who were brought in to dissect Trank’s vision, salvage the 80-90 minutes of kid-friendly footage, and paste together something that would appease the world-building, franchise-crazed monsters of today. This is nowhere more noticeable than in the final climax, a section tacked on at the last minute after late-in-the-game reshoots. If you think the four over-qualified actors looked clueless in the first two acts, then wait until you see them here. There are times when Miles Teller looks bored to the point of drowsiness. He could only have been daydreaming about how he was the Oscar bad boy just a few months ago following his explosive performance in Whiplash.
Teller is not alone here. Kate Mara has been nominated for an Emmy for her work on House of Cards, and anyone who saw Snowpiercer last year knows Jamie Bell is better than this. And don’t forget Michael B. Jordan, whose performance in Fruitvale Station was just as impressive as anything Teller did in Whiplash. Feel comforted that the stars of the film also have no idea what is going on onscreen. We’re all lost together.
I could go on with a separate list of smaller problems I have with the film. My complaints range from big - can someone please tell me why Adam Sandler’s Pixels had better special effects - to small - Jamie Bell’s rock dude sounds like the warbled voice you create when speaking into a fan. I felt it important, though, that I focus all of my rage at the studio system that cares nothing for the artistic vision of a hungry, young director. It’s all about that bottom line. I hope this movie fails like no other before it. I hope it fails so bad that they cancel the already-announced sequel. It won’t happen. Lord, help us all.
My criticism is not all directed at Trank, but the anonymous fix-it crew who were brought in to dissect Trank’s vision, salvage the 80-90 minutes of kid-friendly footage, and paste together something that would appease the world-building, franchise-crazed monsters of today. This is nowhere more noticeable than in the final climax, a section tacked on at the last minute after late-in-the-game reshoots. If you think the four over-qualified actors looked clueless in the first two acts, then wait until you see them here. There are times when Miles Teller looks bored to the point of drowsiness. He could only have been daydreaming about how he was the Oscar bad boy just a few months ago following his explosive performance in Whiplash.
Teller is not alone here. Kate Mara has been nominated for an Emmy for her work on House of Cards, and anyone who saw Snowpiercer last year knows Jamie Bell is better than this. And don’t forget Michael B. Jordan, whose performance in Fruitvale Station was just as impressive as anything Teller did in Whiplash. Feel comforted that the stars of the film also have no idea what is going on onscreen. We’re all lost together.
I could go on with a separate list of smaller problems I have with the film. My complaints range from big - can someone please tell me why Adam Sandler’s Pixels had better special effects - to small - Jamie Bell’s rock dude sounds like the warbled voice you create when speaking into a fan. I felt it important, though, that I focus all of my rage at the studio system that cares nothing for the artistic vision of a hungry, young director. It’s all about that bottom line. I hope this movie fails like no other before it. I hope it fails so bad that they cancel the already-announced sequel. It won’t happen. Lord, help us all.